


i've got to see it for myself

by silversilky



Series: TsuguSayoLisaYuki [4]
Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/F, Polyamory, this is 90 percent ayamaya so i'll add their individual tag too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-26 14:35:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17747702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silversilky/pseuds/silversilky
Summary: "Chisato, I love Maya a lot, I really do... and I know you do too. I just feel... distant from her lately, I guess.""And why do you think that is?""I don't know... I just want to find out more and more about her, but it feels like she doesn't want me to know anything."





	i've got to see it for myself

**Author's Note:**

> conceptually this was only a little ayamaya fic but while writing it i realized it could work well within my tsugu/sayo/lisa/yuki series! because of that it's in the context of Polyam*Palettes, but for the most part this is still just ayamaya

When the five of them had first started dating, it had been... rocky, to say the least.

  
None of the others had any previous romantic experience, and Aya had been no exception. But Maya, Eve, Hina, Chisato, and her had all felt the same connection, and all arrived at the same conclusion by the time Aya blurted out the idea to a room thick with unresolved tension: "What if we all just dated each other?"

  
Honestly, it never should have worked, not in a million years. But somehow, through hard work and constant communication, the five of them had _made_ it work.

  
Aya loved each and every one of them, and she knew they loved her in return. Hina was the most obvious about it- she would average about fifteen 'I love you!'s per day, and Eve wasn't far behind. Chisato showed her love in more subtle ways, giving them each a push forward when they needed it. All of them thought of Maya as their solid foundation, the reliable brains of the group. And if that was true, as much as it embarrassed her to admit it, Aya was certainly its heart.

  
It wasn't unlike being in a band.

 

* * *

 

Maya's room was small, and a bit chilly, but as Aya relaxed on the floor and looked around at the many posters on the walls it made her feel at home. She shifted to move a bit closer to the other girl as the CD player in front of them continued with a cheery pop ballad.

  
As the last instrumental sections of the song played out, Aya looked to her girlfriend, excited. "That's their newest single! They haven't said much about the new album yet, but based on what they usually do I think it'll be coming in the next few months."

  
Maya sat cross-legged on the floor next to her, hands folded in her lap as she leaned forward to hear the music better. "Ohhh, nice! This is really good!"

  
"I'm glad you like it!" Aya smiled, and propped her head up with her hands as she turned to face Maya. "Could you tell anything interesting about the instruments? I don't know nearly as much about that sort of thing, so if there's anything you picked up on I'd love to hear about it."

  
Maya perked up at the question, and sat up straight as she contemplated. "Hmmm... Well, with the little synth part near the end I think there was..." Something seemed to flicker over her face, and she slumped back down to her previous position. "Nah, never mind." She grinned at Aya, and pointed to the next one on the stack of brightly colored CDs that Aya had brought with her. "What's that one? I haven't heard of them before."

  
"Oh, that's an older one! The group broke up a while back, but I still love all their early albums." She popped it into the player, and the room filled with upbeat music once more. For some reason, though, it didn't make Aya quite as happy as normal.

  
She looked over to the band posters again, and realized that she couldn't put a name to any of them.

 

* * *

 

"Do you really... need to wear all that?" Maya asked incredulously, as Aya adjusted her wide-brimmed hat and shades, attempting to make sure her entire face was covered from most angles. "I thought you didn't usually like to wear disguises."

  
"Normally, yeah," Aya replied, "but today I don't wanna be recognized!" She continued, slowly beginning to blush as pink as her hair. "That'd just interrupt our time together. I want to make sure today is just for us."

  
Maya's hand was warm, and it was bigger than hers. A drummer's hand. Their fingers were wrapped tightly together, so it was easy to notice as her whole hand twitched, as if Aya had jump-started her nervous system with that sentence. "Ahh! Aya, it makes me really happy when you say it like that... Huhehehe." She dipped her head low and tapped her glasses, giving Aya a lopsided grin. "It's a good thing I have a built-in disguise, then."

  
Aya took a moment to process how adorable that had been, and in that moment she saw something: a sign advertising a new equipment supply shop, right across the street. "Oh, Maya!" she said, tugging her girlfriend's arm gently to get her to see. "Do you wanna go check that out?"

  
"Whoa!" Maya said, clearly excited. "I had no idea they were putting in another one over here... I wonder if they'll have any sales during the opening?" Her eyes glittered at the thought of it.

  
"Let's go check it out!" Aya said, and took and step before she realized Maya wasn't moving. She turned back. "Maya?"

  
The brown-haired girl reached up to fidget with the arm of her glasses. "Err, I can always just come back later... Weren't you talking about a new cupcake shop you wanted to go to? Was that near here?"

  
For a moment, Aya considered putting up an argument, but she looked at Maya's face and couldn't find it in her to say anything. She did her best to put her vague discomfort out of her mind and smile. "Yeah, I think it's about a block that way."

  
The two set off hand in hand for cupcakes, but Aya couldn't help but give the supply shop one more glance before they left it behind.

 

* * *

 

Each CD fell forward with a satisfying  _click, click, click,_  as Aya methodically flipped through the rows. Hina had told her the other day during their date that she'd seen a new release here from an idol group they both enjoyed, and Aya was bound and determined to find it.

  
_Not that one, not that one..._  She paused momentarily. _Oh, that's a pretty good one._  But not what she was searching for, so Aya moved on.

  
Deciding to take a break and get her bearings, she pulled herself out of the peppy colors of the idol section and looked up to see brown hair across the aisle. As the figure pulled a record from the shelf, Aya saw who it was, and smiled. "Maya! Hey!"

  
Maya snapped to attention, and Aya could tell she'd been too absorbed in her own search to notice her. "Aya, I didn't see you there!" She waved happily, and Aya couldn't help but wave back, even though they were only separated by one aisle. "What are you looking for here? That album Hina was talking about?"

  
"Yeah!" Aya replied, running her finger along the spines of the row of CDs in front of her. "I haven't had much luck yet, though, I think they may have sold out."

  
A grin found its way onto Maya's face, and Aya found herself confused as the other girl replied. "Ahh, that's too bad, huh? Hina said it was 'a big time bop' after all."

  
Aya nodded. "She did, and I really wanted to check it out, so..." She tilted her head. "Why are you smiling so much, Maya?"

  
Mays's hand flew up from where it had been behind her back, triumphantly holding up a bright square. "Huhehe, I actually came here to buy it for you!" Maya passed the CD to Aya, and she took it. Aya felt a deep, warm  _something_  fill up in her chest as she thought about Maya coming out here just to pick it up for her, and she held the disc tightly.

  
"I'm glad I managed to get the last one!" Maya said happily, before Aya saw the smile fall from her face. "Ah! Aya, are you crying?"

  
"No," Aya said as she wiped the wetness from her eyes. "It just... makes me happy to know how much you think of me." She reached across the aisle and grabbed Maya's hand, squeezing it tight. "Thank you, Maya."

  
"O-Of course!" Maya looked like she didn't know what to do with herself. They stood awkwardly holding each other's hands over the rows of music, as some pop tune played quietly in the background over the music shop's speakers.

  
After a long moment, Aya realized she had a question to ask. "What did you come here looking for? I don't recognize that record, who's it from?"

  
Maya's grip weakened slightly. "Oh, er, nothing in particular... I just like to look around, you know?" She put the record back, and Aya felt a pang of sadness at the sight.

  
"Are you sure?" she said, hoping for Maya's answer to change. But all she got in return was a nod.

 

* * *

 

Aya slammed her head down onto the table, hands spread in utter defeat. "Chisatoooooo. Help me. I don't know what to do."

  
Chisato looked down on her, raising an eyebrow at the sight of her truly despondent pastel-pink girlfriend. "Aya, is something wrong?"

  
She took a moment to think of how to respond. The sounds of the busy cafe surrounded the two of them, creating a pleasant atmosphere that by all rights Aya should have been enjoying. "It's Maya... Lately I've been kinda weird around her, and I'm not sure what's going on."

  
"Do you want to break up with her?" Chisato responded bluntly. "That'd make things awkward with the rest of the group, but it's important you don't force yourself to continue with anything that makes you unhappy."

  
Aya felt as if she had been slapped right across the face, and reacted accordingly. "No! No, no, that's not it at all... You know how much I love her, I spent so much time gushing about her to you before we all got together."

  
Chisato sipped her mug of tea, setting it down with more precision than necessary. "Indeed you did, and I wouldn't say that you stopped after, either. It's quite cute, in fact."

  
"Chisato, I love her a lot," Aya whined. "I really do... and I know you do too, of course. She's so sweet and thoughtful and cute but I just feel... distant from her lately, I guess." She sat back up and rubbed her eyes, red from a lack of proper sleep.

  
"And why do you think that is?"

  
"I don't know..." Aya said, still attempting to put together the thousand-piece jigsaw puzzle of her feelings. "I just want to find out more and more about her, but it feels like she doesn't want me to know anything."

  
Her girlfriend hummed, and took another sip from her mug. "Perhaps you should talk to someone with more romantic experience from outside the group? I'm happy to try to help, but it's not as if I have any experiences to draw from that you wouldn't share." She scanned the cafe, looking for someone, and when she caught sight of them she raised her hand to call them over.

  
"Hi, what's up?" Tsugumi said, holding an empty platter in her hands. She leaned on the table. "Did you need a refill?"

  
Chisato looked directly at Aya as she spoke to the other girl. "No, Aya actually wanted to seek your advice on something she's dealing with right now."

  
"Wha- I didn't-" Aya attempted to say, but Chisato simply gave her an expectant smile as she stood from the table and left the two of them alone. _Curse you, Chisato!_  She vowed to give her at least one less kiss later, when they were alone.

  
Tsugumi eventually broke the silence. "It's pretty slow right now. I can talk for a bit if you need to ask anything." She sat down in the now-empty chair, putting her platter down on the table carefully before giving Aya a welcoming look. "I know we don't know each other very well, but if there's anything I can do to help please don't hold back!"

  
_Is this girl some sort of angel?_  Aya thought to herself before she replied. Tsugumi sat quietly as Aya recounted the whole story to her, nodding at some key points. "Ahh, so Chisato thought I could help because I have more experience with that stuff?"

  
"Yeah, I think that was the idea." Aya realized that while Tsugumi now knew her entire situation, she had no idea who the other girl was dating. "Sorry if this is an odd question, but, er, where is that experience coming from?"

  
Tsugumi brightened as she responded. "Oh, I'm dating Sayo!"

  
_Sayo from Roselia, huh?_  Aya only knew what Hina had told her about her mythical big sister, but she sounded like an amazing person. She smiled as she imagined her together with the girl in front of her, and decided that'd be a very cute couple.

  
"And Lisa!"

  
_What._

  
"And Yukina!"

  
_What, wait, hold on._  Aya floundered as she tried to put all that together. "Tsugumi, you're dating all three of them?" As Tsugumi nodded, a blush visible on her cheeks, Aya saw her in an entirely new light.  _None of them are even from her band, and to think she'd be dating Yukina, of all people... This girl is superhuman._

  
"I guess that does give me a lot of experience, heh." Tsugumi said as Aya pulled herself back together. "So it sounds like you're having a hard time getting her to talk to you about herself, and her interests?"

  
Aya nodded. "That's right, I think. Have you dealt with anything similar to that with any of your girlfriends?"

  
"Oh, absolutely. Yukina and Sayo aren't used to opening up about themselves at all, and their interests are pretty specific." Tsugumi seemed to puff herself up slightly with pride. "But Lisa and I managed to break open their shells! Sayo even taught me some guitar recently."

  
"Aww, that's nice..." Aya smiled, deciding she really would have to see Tsugumi together with her girlfriends eventually. "So I take it Lisa wasn't really like that?"

  
Tsugumi let out a loud groan, and Aya felt as if she had stepped on a land mine. "Oh my god, Lisa was the worst of all of them! She's so sweet and kind and giving, and because of that, making her put herself first for once is just exhausting. It took months before I could get her to tell me about the things she likes!"

  
_Ahhh._  Aya realized it just as Tsugumi finished explaining.  _That's what it is... She's not trying to push me away because she doesn't want me to know about herself, she's just trying too hard to prioritize me instead. Maybe she even thinks she'd annoy me by talking too much..._  As that occurred to her, Aya felt a familiar prickling at the corners of her eyes, and she quickly rushed to wipe it away.

  
Not fast enough for Tsugumi to miss, though. "Oh, oh no, are you all right? Let me grab you some tissues from the back, I think there's a box behind the counter-"

  
"No, I'm okay..." Aya said, and as she finished wiping her eyes she realized she was. "But thank you so much, Tsugumi, you've really helped me a lot." She stood from the chair and moved to give Tsugumi a hug, truly grateful for the other girl's assistance.

  
After she pulled away, Aya ran to the door and left the cafe. Tsugumi was left alone and slightly bewildered as the exit bell rang. "How did I help...?"

 

* * *

 

The chill in Maya's room was more pronounced this time, and Aya found herself shivering as she tried to relax. Maya had left to get them some drinks, and while she was gone Aya was supposed to get her CDs ready for another listening session. She tapped her fingers against her leg nervously as she waited.

  
The door opened slowly as Maya bumped it with her side, and Aya rushed to take the drinks from her hands as she tried to get through the doorway. "Careful, Maya, don't take on more than you can handle!"

  
"Huehehe, thank you..." Maya closed the door behind her as Aya set the drinks down on the desk. Before Aya could turn back, long arms encircled her and pulled her into a warm embrace. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Aya."

  
Despite herself, Aya did blush at that, and even moreso when Maya pushed her hair aside and kissed the back of her neck. But as much as she wanted to turn around and kiss her girlfriend back, she couldn't. Not yet, at least. This was important.

  
"Hey..." Aya said, untangling herself from Maya's arms and moving to stand next to her backpack, which had been set on the floor. "I have to tell you something."

  
Maya looked at her, surprised, and then looked at Aya's open backpack, noticing that it was almost entirely empty. "Aya... What's going on? You didn't bring any CDs?"

  
"That's right," Aya said, forcing some semblance of firmness into her tone, "I don't want to listen to any of that today. And I don't want to talk about idols. Maybe not for a little while, even." She crossed her arms, expecting for Maya to argue with her.  _No matter what, I won't let you push me away from you again, for both our sakes._

  
But no argument came. Maya's voice was quiet and still, filled with anxiety as she stared a hole in the floor. "Did I do something wrong?"

  
Aya's heart plummeted into her stomach as her resolve crumbled instantly, and she rushed to take her girlfriend's hands. "No, no! Ugh, I'm sorry. I'm not doing this right at all..."

  
"Aya, I don't get what you mean." Maya at least didn't sound as anxious as she had a moment ago, but now she was just confused. "Do you not wanna keep doing this together? It's okay, I understand. I know I don't get into idol stuff as easily as the others."

  
Squeezing her hands tight, Aya replied, "That's not it at all, I promise! I love spending time with you, it's just..." She looked into Maya's wide eyes as she carried on. "I feel like when we do, it's always focused on me. I want to know more about you, and I want you to show me the things that make you happy."

  
Maya's mouth opened slightly, but she didn't say anything for a long moment. "Are... are you sure? The stuff I like, it's not really interesting..."

  
"It is!" Aya shot back, maybe a bit too fast. "If it's something that you enjoy, then it's interesting to me, because you're interesting. I want to know everything about you, Maya." She brought one of Maya's hands up and kissed it, putting all her emotion into the action. "Because I love you."

  
Before she knew it, Maya had pulled her into a tight hug. Aya reached around to hold her back, and as she rested her head on the other girl's shoulder she could feel Maya's heartbeat racing.  _I did that,_  she thought, and immediately had to bury her face even further.

  
"Do you wanna... go to that supply shop later?" Maya asked hesitantly, from her place right above Aya's ear. "I'll show you some of my favorite amps."

  
"Only if you tell me all about them," Aya replied, and Maya gave her a mumbled affirmative as Aya smiled against her neck and nuzzled closer.

  
With Maya so close, she couldn't feel the chill anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> "DESPONDENT, LUGUBRIOUS, NO FUTURE," Maya bellowed as the track continued to play, headbanging wildly.
> 
> "Oh god, what have I done," Aya whispered.
> 
> "WE TURNED OUR! BODIES TO! COMPUTER!"


End file.
